A few years ago, we Christians were on a little kick after reading an inspiring book. It had suddenly become the vogue to ask the question, “What would Jesus do?” (WWJD). And still, as Christians, we know this is a good question to ask. So when I was invited to be part of a committee to develop a Special Needs Ministry for a church, I asked that question myself. However, I kept coming to the answer, there would be no need for a Special Needs Ministry in a church run by Jesus.
What? You say. Of course the Man who said “Come to me all you who are weary …” would tend to the challenges of those we label Special Needs. And I agree. Only He wouldn’t need a committee to do it. It would just be done. The need would be seen and the answer would be undertaken. No one would be singled out to join a special group because it was the only way to tend to that need. The Body would just take care of its members.
So why did I join that committee? And even more relevant, why did I suggest we have a Special Needs Committee here at Homesteaders? Honestly, the answer is not so my special-needs child will be tended to. I have yet to receive assistance from the committee (my own doing) and do not currently have plans to make a fuss over it. My reasoning is twofold: 1) To help those who do NOT have special needs issues continue to serve the Body by helping them understand the issues of those who do; 2) To assist Homesteaders in being an attractive organization to those families who are struggling and have learned not to reach out because they feel unheard. This is not just about serving those who are here, but those who SHOULD be here.
Let me address number two first. Sounds backwards, but those with dyslexia may relate ;o). As my son’s issues became increasingly apparent to the world around us (school, neighbors, church groups), I found myself more and more isolated. I no longer shared the same parenting issues with my neighbors. Neither could relate to the other’s. I needed to spend more time helping my son overcome what to others may be the smallest of challenges, making it hard for me to participate in social activities. And I often had to endure the looks of those who obviously believed his delays were due to my coddling him, never imagining it to be the other way around. It was more difficult to find babysitters who were willing to deal with the bathroom hygiene issues of a growing boy, so I did not often go out.
One day, I wondered why all the kids in the neighborhood no longer played in the front yard (as they always had) … and they weren’t answering the doorbell when we rang. Up until this point, I had been the one to host outdoor playdates with the neighborhood boys on my lawn. I would bring out the sandbox, the Jump-o-lene and the slip-n-slide, and all the kids would come over. Then one day that stopped. It was shortly after I bought a slip-n-slide for one child on his birthday. I figured it would be a great toy since he loved ours so much. Only I didn’t realize, now that he had his own, he no longer needed mine … and all the other children were going to HIS house to play … in his BACKyard. And we weren’t invited.
I say WE because, not only was my son isolated from this activity, but I was also not invited to hang out with the moms to watch. We spent lots more time inside that summer. A few months later one of the boys from my neighborhood asked if my children were going to the birthday party of another. I told him I hadn’t received an invitation. He didn’t understand and brought it up to the other boys while we were all outside. The boys whose party it was wondered why we weren’t invited, so they asked their mom. In front of me. Of course, we were invited on the spot, but let’s just say the whole party was a bit awkward.
Why am I bringing this up? Do I want your pity? Absolutely not. That and $5 might get me a Mocha Latte at Starbucks :o). Yes, I feel isolated at times, but I have been richly blessed to work for a Christian organization with lots of colleagues who love me, and love the Lord. I also have good Christian friends who understand what I go through, because they go through it, too. And most of all, I have the love of Jesus to bolster me in my time of need. Though, He has heard my cries and been drenched from my tears on His shoulder, I am grateful to have that shoulder to cry on. Many, many, many (did I yet say “many?”) Special Needs Moms do NOT.
After having left my church to find one with a Children’s Ministry that fit the needs of my son, I went on a personal search. I became increasingly discouraged by the new trend of churches to focus so much on athletic outreach programs that their other programs were being discontinued. I thought not only about my son (who couldn’t play regular basketball to save his life), but I thought about the little boy who hung out with me during the athletic programs at Vacation Bible School because he didn’t like sports. Children like him are not being reached out to either when non-athletic programs are not offered.
Then I attended several different churches to see what they offered. Though few had varying types of special needs ministries, they were often set apart in such a way that they were not even visible to the rest of the Body. Though I applaud their efforts, and know they serve many families who would otherwise have nothing, I don’t believe that’s what Jesus would do. At other churches, there were NO Special Needs services at all. And you know what? The church could have easily said, “Well, we don’t really have a Special Needs population here anyway.” And they’d be correct. They didn’t. I went to very large churches with huge memberships and saw not one wheelchair. I had discussions with teachers in the children’s program where I introduced my son’s issues to them and they said. “Oh, we had another autistic boy here once.” I wanted to shout, “ONCE?! You had one ONCE?!” With that size membership, they should have been flooded with autistic children … and children with cerebral palsy … downs syndrome … fragile X … etc., etc. In fact, as people who are trying to live as Jesus, we should be especially inviting these families to our churches. After all, who did Jesus mean when He asked the weary to come?
So why aren’t our churches filled with these tired souls? Why do our memberships not even mirror the proportions of the secular community? In fact, why do we not have a greater percentage of special needs families in our churches than what the public school system serves? And given that these children often require more one-on-one attention than the average child, why are there not more in the homeschool groups?
Could it be they do not feel welcome? Could it be they know their constant neediness scares the regular folk a little too much? Could it be they are scared to reach out and yet again, be rejected? Could it be they are sick of being seen only as a burden?
Yes!
Of course, you can look around and see special needs families in our midst and say, “Oh yes, we serve these families.” But why aren’t there more? What makes those other families shy away? Most of the families we serve today, were Christian long before they were Special Needs. A blessing indeed! But what about those who are newly seeking an answer to their pain? They would like to go to church, but don’t know what to do with their child who could be a problem. Or would like to join a homeschool group, but don’t see how it can offer anything to them, and they weren’t already connected to a Christian community. They need to be REACHED OUT TO.
Thus the need for a Special Needs Committee. Not as a means to set these families apart, but as a means to assist “normal folk” in unburdening them. The Bible says we all fall short of the glory of God. And part of that is we sometimes find ourselves so mired in our own troubles it’s hard to see that of the truly needy. I am just as at fault here. I could tell you countless stories of how I neglected the needs of an individual because I did not fully understand the particular plight with which the family struggled. I need this committee to help me serve the needs of others, as much as I hope it will help others do the same.
Some of these issues are complicated and unusual and carry so many little burdens we can’t even comprehend its full effect. But these little things, when combined, keep these families from fully entering into the Body of Christ. This does not only hamper their efforts in communing with their creator, but it also isolates US from the potential of their giftedness as well. Among these families are those with great talents, no longer shared, because all their efforts are focused on the challenge of just getting through the day. We are losing teachers, singers, artists, encouragers, prophets, servers, etc. to the burden of isolation. This is not a Body as Paul defined it, until those “weaker members” are treated with special care (Corinthians 12:22).
I hope to devote the remainder of this year to enlightening our membership to the challenges of those families dealing with special needs. Maybe one day we will all become so familiar with these, that we won’t need a committee to remind us anymore. But until that happens, I hope you will all tolerate our human, and sometimes inefficient, efforts at making these issues known.
Before I end my diatribe on Special Needs in the Christian Community, I would like to point anyone who is also concerned with this issue to the ministry created by McLean Bible Church in McLean, Virginia. This is the one church I visited that truly was flooded with families dealing with special needs. When I attended, I encountered the blind, the deaf, the wheelchair-bound and the developmentally disabled. Unfortunately, this church cannot serve people who live too far on a weekly basis. But they DO provide a learning opportunity for any Christians who are interested to design programs of their own. These usually occur in April. I hope many of you will urge your church to send someone.
